On Online Dating

This blog is mostly about things of an actuarial nature, but occasionally I need to vent about the world and what is bothering me on a given day.  Today it is online dating.

Yes, I set up a profile on one of the dating sites and I've had some communication with a few girls but never leading anywhere.  Today I messaged someone who responded immediately with the following:

"Your profile is terrible! I get to know nothing about you from it so I don't have a clue if I am interested in getting to know you."

It took everything I had to resist pointing out the contradiction in that statement.  Failed.

I don't know if it is consumer culture or increasingly anti-social tendencies among youth due to online modes of communication, but I am frustrated every day by the attitudes I perceive, especially among 20's women.  I don't look or act like a creep - I'm a normal guy of average or maybe slightly above average attractiveness, and above average intelligence.  But it is almost unacceptable today to approach a girl you don't know out in public and show interest. If you try to strike up a conversation with a female stranger you are automatically a creep.

Enter online dating.  Allows people to minimize the awkward interaction component of dating - if you don't like someone's appearance or what they have to say about themselves you can just ignore them.  No need to go through the motions out of politeness as you might in person.  But I feel like the experience encourages a shopper's mentality.  You browse profiles like you would items at the grocery store.  You read the label,  read the blurbs, compare it to the next item on the shelf...you do everything but test the product.  On the other side are people marketing themselves, using the right buzz words, trying to appear fun and adventurous, intelligent and successful - every dude near me is apparently an avid hiker who loves to plan adventures.

IMO, online dating provides two advantages over the bar: it allows me to identify singles and exclude those who are taken, and it allows me to separate full-on idiots from those of reasonable intelligence (sentence structure and grammar).  To gain those two advantages I sacrifice on the third important aspect (pre-getting to know someone) which is assessing physical attractiveness.  This is better done in person but can still be achieved at some level of confidence online.  After those 3 filters are applied I want to get to know the person - that is, I want to meet over a drink and have a conversation.  I do not want to read a life story online and compare their personality test answers to my own.  I want to save the mystery and learn those things the old fashioned way, but it seems to be the expectation that you get all of that out of the way in advance.

So yes - most of my profile sections are brief and filled in with comments about cats with funny captions.  I expect females to determine whether my looks meet their standards and to contact me (or respond if I messaged them) if they are interested.  I'm not making a sales pitch or giving up my income level in advance - if someone wants to get to know me they will have to skip getting to know me.

-FS

Slackalacking

Overdue to post this update - I did indeed pass FM two weeks ago.  This was followed by lots of drinking Sunday evening (with my boss, my former boss, and other coworkers), and lots of drinking after work for the rest of the week.  The following week was a recovery week.

I was seriously considering prepping for the Halloween sitting of 3L.  I'd have to kill myself to be prepared in 2 months, but I think it would ultimately be worth it given that I'll save an exam come 2014 with the impending split of 3L by the CAS.  However, my boss sort of discouraged me in our last weekly meeting.  Though he didn't outright say not to, he emphasized how tough it would be and spent more time talking about the readings I and we had to do.  So though I got the manual for 3L, my new plan is to start casually studying now for MFE in March and 3LC/ST material for the May sitting, but to focus on the papers I have to read for work.  Maybe I'll knock out a VEE in the meantime.

Here are some quick reflections that may say more about myself/my company than life at entry level generally.  First, I find my company is super cheap when it comes to the exam incentives.  Now that I actually have a raise/bonus due, it turns out the newer revised (better) student program was not yet approved (though it was discussed with me in April when I was interviewing) and I will be getting the lesser rewards of the older program.  However, I can't get the raise/bonus until I get official notice of my passing FM, at which point the newer program WILL be past implementation!!!

Secondly, though I haven't seen more $$$ yet, I've been out spending it.  This weekend I'm away but I still went out and dropped some cash on new work clothes and shoes.  Actually over the entire past month I've been finding reasons to buy more outfits for work.  Also I've been stocking my house with better bourbon/beer and going out more.  I don't fit the cheap actuary stereotype very well.  I have to make a serious effort to reign in the spending and start saving/paying off loans!

I took an extra day off to make a 4-day weekend out of the holiday.  Visiting family where I grew up and spending time on the beach.  I'll be back to updating more regularly this week - actually, probably more regularly than I was before since I won't have a looming exam.

-FS